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50 YEARS UNITING ART AND PRAYER ( an
experience )
I want to begin by apologizing for the title. Really, it should have said: “50
years intending to unite art and prayer” because justifiably, what I want to
talk about is the constant fight to unite life, or in my case, art with prayer.
Thus, I am going to go to the beginnings of my experience, with a short
biography.
- Biography
When I entered Monastery, people told my parents, “Don’t worry, in less than a
year she will return home”. I was a motivated girl, a talker, in need of calling
attention to myself, etc.. It has been 60 years since this… When Solemn Vows
there was even who gave the order that they should cast me from the Monastery.
The most memorable reproach from my novice teacher was “You are not like the
others!” And I didn’t know how the others were, but what really hurt me was to
be different, and evidently, this was a very important comparison for me, and to
realize that the others were a little bit “like me”, with defects and ways of
being “little monastic”. What saved me: I believe that it was the passion for
Jesus and for a better world.
When I left the novitiate in order to completely integrate myself into the
Community, I remember that I said to God, “Now, You and I are alone. I began to
be happy, at times.
Later, the years I spent learning ceramics in the “Massana School” in Barcelona,
were a time of dispersion , and I even thought that it would not be able to
resume life in the monastery. In fact, my friend, who had already spent twenty
years in the Community, left.
Then, God gave me an extraordinary grace: for ten years, I had private Holy
Scripture classes with a wise and holy monk from Montserrat: Father Guiu Camps.
Scripture studies that I have not already abandoned. This, then, was the
starting point for getting me back into the Monastic rhythm. Always with ups and
downs.
One thing in which I have had to put much effort into is in prayer. Artist and
creative, I liked spontaneous and improvised prayer, while the Divine Office
always felt long and tiresome. In my struggle to “be conscious of the acts of
life” (RB 4:48), wish that which I still find myself promised to, there are a
few pillars:
- Bible
When I began to occupy my mind with the things of God, I soon realized that the
thousands of favorable and adverse circumstances did not consume or take away
peace from me.
Now, in the cell, I copied the entire Bible in 22 folders, full of comments,
sometimes of the exegetes, and sometimes my own, in the form of prayers. In
order to control the “crazy of the house” as the female saint from Avila says, I
do well to reflect with the help of a piece of paper, in order to take note of
what the authors are saying, and also, my conversations with the Author of the
Scripture.
Over the years, the Bible has become both "flesh of my flesh" that I have gotten
used to spend my vacations delving into some sacred book. And now, when I read
the commentaries, I frequently find allusions to the beauty of the scenery
surrounding me during my days of rest.
To live the daily Gospel of the Eucharist is a challenge that fascinates me. I
almost feel disoriented if I have not prepared in advance the daily passage. I
think that Jesus gives us his life to pieces, so we put it into practice every
day.
I would like to talk about many more biblical books, with outlines and
conclusions, but it does seems to me that it can be easily understood.
- The Eucharist
After many years of routinely living the daily Eucharist, I have realized,
finally, that it is the center of our life. “Better late than never”.
My love to the world and to Jesus becomes alive when I find myself between those
who shared the first Easter Meal, his Death on the Cross, and His Resurrection.
I have understood that these transcendental acts of Love remain ALIVE. Because
of this, I mean to delve into this ETERNAL DIALOGUE between Jesus and the Father,
for the world.
Not only, however, does the Liturgy of the Word impact me importantly, but the
sacrifice of Jesus on the Altar. In the offering, I am used to offering myself
with the “suscipe”, in order to later re-experience with Him his offering. I
feel that the Eucharist gives me a privileged moment of Communion with Humanity,
from the love of Jesus.
- The Liturgy
Soon I guessed that Christmas and Easter, with Advent and Lent and Easter Season
were giving color to our lives. It was attraction that seduced me, that, as soon
as we began to delve into ourselves en these strong times, I was taking
advantage of all of my available moments in order to prepare the texts. One year
I dedicated to the mystery of the” blind”, of the 1st Isaiah (Advent), or to the
extraordinary history of Acts of the Apostles (Easter). And now, it is a
pleasure to have the texts well prepared.
- The Liturgy of the hours (Divine Office)
Because of my very distracted mind, during the Divine Office I frequently found
myself in the Catalunya Square (center of downtown), and this incoherence
bothered me. It was stubborn to be miserably wasting time, exactly at the time
of communal prayer. Therefore, I intended to study the Psalms deeply, just as
the Fathers of the Church.
To know the Psalms one by one took me long time, even though I have taken
advantage of this summer in order to give them new contexts. To distinguish
between the author (David, Kore, Asaph…) the composition period, the groups that
the Psalms form, or those Psalms that have been chosen for Liturgical spaces (Lauds
Vespers, Compline), is very enriching: Each Psalm is seen as unique, distinct,
personal, in dialogue with God, with Jesus or with Humanity.
The Fathers of the Church were, for a long time, a continual matter. Their
language bored me. I asked, on many occasions, a specialized monk to give us
some classes, put I never got the response that I was waiting for. It was then,
and by reaction, that I started to pick up the books that could help me. Now, I
have copied and summarized all the readings of the Breviary, about the Fathers,
with underlined sentences, and commentaries. I feel that they are the legacy
they have left us. Looking at the sky through the window of our Church, I feel
that they exhort us to continue building the Kingdom, the Church. I give thanks
to God for the great Augustine or for John Chrysostom, the selfless priest, or
for Ambrose or for our pope Gregory the Great (especially on “Moral” pages that
were his chapter sermons) or Lion the Great, the theologian of memorials as well
as many others that are very close to me.
- The Lectio
The book of my conversion was “The Divine Grace” by Michael Schmaus.
ed. Rialp 1962.gf
(http://gloria.tv/?media=586556&language=3SsSaAhCEfb)
I read it while my life was still stuck in the “comparison” phase. To meditate
about the great gift of Grace within ourselves fulfilled me very much, that any
difference seemed to me ridiculous. If God gives himself totally to each one of
us, how could it not be taken advantage of? After sometime, I didn’t even
remember my rivals. The reading of that book turned out to be more effective
than all of my dedication to trying to imitate the “most perfect” sisters.
To write “The Father Saint Benedict” in the 80’s was the occasion for drench me
with our Father, his life, and his Rule. Apparently, spontaneously and
inoffensive, the book has more than 300 citations about Benedictine monastic
information. In reality, I sketched it in 15 days, but I was touching it up for
a year. From now on, I feel that Saint Benedict is my Father.
The Desert Fathers later caught my attention. I identified myself so much with
the gathered collection by the monks of Solesmes (Les sentences du désert, Vol
I-II 1970) which then hardly have endured other collections. Abbot Moses, Abbot
Poemen and the rest remained my confidants until now. What has always called my
attention is the magnanimous spirit they have and their very evangelical
forgiveness. Also, the Gaza Fathers exercised a great fascination, above all on
Dorotheus. (the lesson that we have in the Reading Office on the Tuesday of the
ninth week, it seems to me magisterial).
In the same monastic sense, the life of Strarets Slouana written by the head of
the monastery Sofronius (Ed. Presence 1973) resonated with force. I remember,
for example, reading that when God enters you, He also enters with the whole
world. I told myself “this also happens to me.”
Among the exegesis books of the Gospel, there are three
teachers for Saint Matthew (ed. Christianity 1983), J. Fitzmyer for Luke, J.
Gnilka and Klemens Stock for Mark, and Raymond Brown, together with CH. Dodd for
John.
Other preferred books are: the complete Works of Theresa of
Avila, or the history of the little Lisieux, or Charles Péguy “The mystery of
the Innocent saints” (author that seems pure evangelic to me), together with
many others. More than 20 copied and summarized books in different notebooks are
the testimony of the dedication to unite life prayer. A book that does not merit
to be copied, I believe that it does not merit to be read.
- Work
In my case, work has two slopes: ceramics and internet. For 50 years,
I have dedicated with much joy 4 hours in the morning to ceramics. I love the
work and even in the beginning I thought that I would not get past such a strong
attraction. Now it happens to be difficult, over all the facts considered that
God and prayer are the most important tasks of my life. Then, the rest loses
importance. In order to not be burdened before the excess tasks of work, it
turns out to more efficient to make a list of priorities for me. Then, work gets
a rhythm and produces peace.
During the afternoons, I dedicate a couple of hours to work on the internet: to
maintain the website: Eucharist, Liturgy, Bible, Catechesis, Monastic, etc. (con
31,000 visits per month), the updates on Facebook (3250 friends), the channels
on youtube (with 260,000 visualizations) GloriaTV (560 videos with some 225,000
visualizations). And, most of the time is taken up by the weekly preparation of
the 16 powerpoint presentations, commenting on the gospels and the responsorial
psalms in 8 languages. The different languages are possible thanks to the help
of generous collaborators. It turns out that an intense workload, but very
motivating, because of the warm welcome that people encounter in so many
countries.
- Art and Prayer
The previous explanations, and the conclusion that follows don’t want to be more
than the context of the theme of the conversation.
It is during work, just as much ceramics as the internet, that art plays an
important role. And I believe that I have stated clearly that when the Bible,
Eucharist, Liturgy, Divine Office, Lectio Divina, or the spirit of service in
work have importance, it becomes much easier to unite art and prayer.
If God is with you, everything that is beautiful, harmonious, rhythmic, or
artistic is something that flows from the most intimate being, where He inhabits.
And in this consists prayer—Not in Hail Marys’ or rosaries. The releases
frequently go spontaneous, above all: Thank you my God. I believe that it is a
prayer that comes from the Being and reaches the LORD of life.
- The “secrets” of the long Monastic experience
I want to finish some ideas that actually preoccupy me:
. To do only one thing at at a time. What is important isn’t what we do, but how
we do it. If we pray, focus on only praying. If we work, simply work hard
without think about other things. To me, I believe that this practice simplifies
me.
This is why I would not define Art as a place of prayer, but art and as distinct.
Don’t pray while you work, but simply be with God while you are doing something
or trying to express some beauty.
. It has been many years since living the “fair” days is one of my preferences.
When nothing happens, everything happens, I told myself. Nobody sees it and God
is there. Any action can be gratuitous Love, an intimate encounter with the
Lord.
. Proceed by joy, not by sacrifice. What you propose as sacrifice last very
short. On the other hand, to find joy in any purpose can accompany you for your
whole life. I think that avoiding unnecessary suffering, much more imaginary
suffering, turns out to be extraordinary. To be happy doing what you propose,
what you should do, seems to be one of the most positive secrets ever.
. To have confidence in some “holy” brother/sister, who you know tells you the
truth because he/she loves you, is an incredible support. I won’t stick in any
anecdotes here so that I don’t dwell on myself.
. And for all that has been said, the weaknesses always bring you bad
happenings, with periods of impatience, unexpected tensions…and all the rest, I
always ask that "what is not possible to us by nature, let us ask the Lord to
supply by the help of his grace." (RB Pro.41).
I’ll end with a text that our abess read to us in a Community Meeting: If you
don’t reach perfection because of your vanity, at least try to be good with all
of your heart, all your soul, and all your might. If you are unable to be good
because of the temptations, try to at least be reasonable: with all your heart,
all the soul, and all your might. And if you are unable to be reasonable because
of your sins, then try to take this burden before God, and surrender your life
to his mercy. If you do this without bitterness, with humility with the joy of
the Spirit, moved by the tenderness of God, who loves the wicked and the
ungrateful, then you will begin to know what it is to be reasonable, good, and
you will desire to be perfect. If you do that, with all your heart, all your
soul, and all your might, then brother, I assure you that you will be on the
road of the true COMMUNION and will not be far from the Kingdom of God.
THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHARE THIS
Regina Goberna, Nun of Saint Benedict of Montserrat
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